Happiness starts with the letter H

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Happiness starts with me, Helen. 

This is a pinnacle point in my life that I'd like to remember. This moment of sheer, unadulterated happiness. Not because something monumental has happened and not because I have suddenly have wrangled together a perfect life. 

It's because I have learnt to let go of the past. I've shed the layer of self-doubt, self-loathing and self-obsession to finally find love in myself. 

I'm far from perfect and life is far from perfect and it is the beauty of it all. Through all the great suffering of the past, through all the challenges of the day to day, I have come out a much stronger, resilient and fucking ace of a human. 

If you knew me, you'd know how riddled with anxiety I am and then some. Don't get me wrong, I'm still that anxious, smol gal who has a lot of thoughts going through her mind every second of every moment. But, I've turned a corner. 

What I have practiced, is having patience with myself as I discover how to cope and how to approach my situation better. As much as it's a cliche, it does come down to how you react to things and how you perceive your circle of influence. It took me a while, but instead of trying to control everything - I'm not stressing (as best I can) about what I can't control and making the best of what I can. 

My name is Helen, I lost one of my greatest friends I have known in my lifetime, but I have made so many great friends over the years that the loss doesn't feel as like a giant chasm in my heart. 

I am living my best life. 

-H

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